Photo courtesy of sodahead.com

Are you concerned that your wedding day jitters might be red flags? Below is a list of questions that should be discussed before you say, “I do.”

How did you grow up?
What are your goals?
Are we moving in the same direction?
Are our values and morals compatible?
Are you physically attracted to the person?
How will we handle the money and bills?
Do we have the same religion?
Do we both want kids?
Can you accept the person for better or worse?
Are you willing to compromise?
Are you ready to be committed to one person?

Photo courtesy of weddingspot.co.uk

Traditionally, brides choose the person they are the closest to as their maid of honor. Do you want to honor the person who has been your friend for a long time or a family member that you are close to?

“Who is the better choice?”

A bride might choose a friend she grew up with as a way to show how much the friendship means to her. Valencia, a recent bride, put deep thought into choosing her maid of honor. Her choice? Her college roommate. Despite Valencia’s close relationship with one of her cousins, she decided it would be best to choose her friend.

“I didn’t want it to cause a potential fallout if she wasn’t able to handle the stress level,” says Valencia.

Brides should ask themselves these key questions before choosing their “best lady.” Is she responsible? Does she handle pressure well? Is she well-organized? Does she manage time well? Does she have the natural ability to manage the bridal party? And most of all, would she ever try to steal the spotlight?

“It is a big deal to be a maid of honor,” says Valencia.

But the maid-of-honor should recognize that her opinion is never more important than the bride’s. It’s always about what the bride wants. Valencia didn’t want someone who would be judgmental and critical of everything. She wanted someone she knew would be responsible and have her back.

Some brides fear having to make this choice, in fear of hurting certain family members’ and friends’ feelings. But Valencia says her cousin wasn’t upset because she understood why she made the decision. This may not be the case for others, but making the right choice for a maid of honor is crucial for how smooth your wedding planning will go.

Planning a wedding is complicated enough, so having the right person backing you is important. At Valencia’s wedding, both families met for the first time. Adding to her anxiety were the cultural differences she couldn’t ignore, she being Black Hispanic and her husband being African American. Add to this the possibility that her then groom, now husband, wouldn’t make it back from overseas in time for the wedding.

But thanks to her maid of honor and “ride or die” crew, the bridesmaids, her wedding day unfolded without a hitch. With her closest friends and family supporting her all the way to the altar, Valesca realized what was most important: all of the people she loved were there for one of the most important days of her life.

Brides, it’s as simple as this. When planning a wedding you’re likely to make a choice that may hurt the ones you love but if they love you, they will respect your decision. Valencia married last December; she’s happy to say that she made the right decision in choosing her best lady.

1. WINE BASKET Whether they’re Wine Country travelers or once-in-a-while tasters, a good bottle of wine is a gift that’ll always be appreciated. Instead of opting for just one good bottle, try putting together a basket filled with two or three of the couple’s favorites. If you’re unsure as to what they prefer to taste, you can never go wrong with Italian Pinot Grigio (crisp; citrusy flavor), Californian Chardonnay (crisp; fruity flavor with buttery undertones), and Italian Merlot (medium body with hints of berry and plum flavors). Complete the basket with a pair of wine glasses, box of truffles, and a heart-shaped corkscrew. For an extra special touch, hang tags from each bottle with handwritten instructions on when it should be opened and enjoyed by the couple.

2. SECOND HONEYMOON Don’t let the word “honeymoon” scare you. You won’t have to spend thousands to give a great gift like this one. Consider a tranquil location such as a quaint bed-and-breakfast located just outside of town. You’d be surprised that many offer affordable rates and special packages during certain days of the week and times of the year. To get the most bang for your buck, book a room for a week day or during the winter months when you’ll be likely to get a great deal. A cottage setting is the perfect location for a little rest, relaxation, and romance. Any couple would appreciate a second get-away a few months after the wedding to rekindle their sparks. You can start your complimentary honeymoon registry today.

3. EVERYDAY GIFT CARDS Gift cards may not seem to be one-of-a-kind gifts but they can be both practical and unique depending on where you purchase them. Instead of heading to your local home appliance or department store, pick up a gift card in your daily travels to the market, gas station, or home improvement store. Every couple needs food in their refrigerator, gas in their car, and tools to fix up the nest. After paying for the wedding, which couple couldn’t use the invaluable gift of an everyday necessity?

4. STORAGE OTTOMAN For the couple who loves to entertain, a matching pair of storage ottomans is an ideal gift. Not only does this moveable furniture come in an array of shapes, colors, and patterns, but they add extra seating for guests at parties and holiday gatherings. The storage space inside the ottoman is the perfect place to neatly tuck away a wedding album and other family photos.

5. DIGITAL COIN COUNTER Pennies really do add up, especially for newlyweds just starting to build their life together. A digital coin counter is a great way to start saving leftover pocket change. A gift like this one can be a great way to get newlyweds on the road to living happily ever after.

6. MONOGRAMMED ADDRESS STAMPER Nothing says “we’re married” more than a monogrammed self-inking stamper. The Mr. and Mrs. will find that a personalized address stamper comes in handy before mailing off wedding thank-you cards. Other personalized stationary such as pens, notepads, and sticky notes would also add a nice touch to the couple’s home office.

Photo courtesy of JNLcollection.

Mr. and Mrs. Steven Coffee, Major, USAF planned their very own military style wedding a few years ago. Steven and Sezanne gazed eyes for the first time in Washington, DC at a friend’s wedding in 2005. Living in different states at the time, Steven and Sezanne had no idea they’d meet again four years later at a friend’s birthday party. The two exchanged telephone numbers, talked over the phone, and eventually planned a date. Well, the rest is history. The couple married in December of 2011 at a traditional catholic church in Tampa.

Steven, commissioned in the United States Air Force through the Tennessee State University Air Program, has been in the military for over 10 years. He is also a lifetime member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Incorporated. At their wedding, the couple chose to include a presentation which paid tribute to the men and women of the armed services. Other highlights from their big day included the African American wedding tradition of jumping the broom and Steven’s fraternity brothers serenading Sezanne with the Kappa sweetheart song.

As an event and wedding planner, I always tell my clients that it’s all about the details. I would suggest tying in colors from the military for the big day somewhere. Red, white, and navy is a great color combo for a military wedding. I love the website www.theperfectpalette.com which has a lot of great color palette inspirations.

While a bride may likely want to wear a white gown, I would suggest to wear colored shoes or a special garter that represent the military. The groom should be dressed in his service uniform. The type of uniform will depend on the time, season, and style of wedding.

Decorations set the tone for the atmosphere so I would consider carrying the military theme into your reception space. I think a military-themed cake or dessert table would be a great way to further represent the theme. You can also name the reception tables with different military terms so guests can easily find their designated seats.

Consider having your guests send you off at the end of the night by waiving hand held stick flags or why not treat them to a display of fireworks?

If you’re looking for ways to save a buck while planning your wedding, then you may want to visit www.militaryweddingdiscounts.com. It’s a great website that was created to help members of the Armed Forces in both the UK and USA save money when planning their wedding.

Planners, consultants, parents and friends are pushing you to have the best day of your life and rightfully so because they want you to be happy. Sometimes, many forget that your budget is not their budget. So your challenge is this for today–Do I spend now to appease them or cautiously spend to have a better tomorrow with my mate?

From years of counseling married couples, I’ve learned that extravagant wedding expenses weren’t the trigger of couples  going into debt. It started when they were young, single, and crazy in love.  Debt accumulates over time; it grows and grows until it hits home. Holy matrimony in finances is my debt and your debt becomes our debt. I advise couples to go back and understand the root cause of their spending habits. The root cause is normally unhappiness, low self-worth, and limited accountability to someone or something. Most of the time, the thought of tomorrow does not enter into their minds.

Debt can cause trouble in your marriage. Romans 13:8 of the Bible says, “Owe no man anything except to love one another…” God never wanted you to become indebted in the area of finances. You’re indebted to your partner and Him in holy matrimony. Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.” Spiritual couples should apply this proverb when trying to determine if their debt and spending habits are a problem. I tell couples if your debt and spending habits are causing arguments, sleepless nights, irritation, anger, and worry, it may not be your blessing.  Ask yourself before you buy, “Will this transaction become a blessing and bring peace in my life and our marriage?” Once you honestly answer this question, you will see tomorrow differently.

Here are a few financial tips to use in the planning process:

• Communicate finances with your mate. Talk about your financial goals for the present and future.
• Create a budget. Generate income from your salary, savings and gifts. List your expenses by ranking them in order of need.
• Acquire quotes and negotiate. Be mindful that a good vendor makes profit.
• Spend cautiously. Spend with need expenses first, then wants and finally desires
• Make cash king. Pay with cash and limit the use of credit cards or set aside cash now for credit card purchases later.
• Eliminate stress. The best way to do this is by living within your means.

Spend wisely and have fun; it’s your wedding. Cedric Dukes can be contacted at www.cedricdukes.com.

Diamond admits, the journey to the altar wasn’t without complications. “She just wanted to make sure I was the right one for her son,” Diamond says, but it came off as a little overly cautious. It can be tough when you feel you’re the right partner for your fiancé, but the in-laws don’t. It’s sort of like you have to convince them that you’re the right one. But Diamond says it’s not wise to go into the situation with an attitude or being on the defense every time something negative is said about you. Diamond knows this from her own relationship. Her husband’s mother will always be part of his life. She cannot fight against their relationship. It’s true that her husband is in love with her that doesn’t mean she can compete with his mother.

Instead of fighting with her mother-in-law when something negative is being said about her, she listens without getting offended. Try to figure out why the person is saying something negative about you. You communicate better this way instead of trying to fight back with no end in sight. Diamond says when disagreements arise with her mother-in-law, she goes directly to her to talk about the problem. Going to the fiancé or husband is not always the best choice, because the issue isn’t with him. With the in-laws it basically comes down to what they say verses what you say and what your fiancé believes. This is the hardest part and many get lost in the middle of this battle because they are trying to defend themselves against the attacks. But by doing so, it can be detrimental to the relationship between you and your finance. Diamond’s advice is so simple, but many people don’t take it, because it means they’ll have to humble themselves and listen. Listening doesn’t mean you’re letting your in-laws walk all over you. “Go to the person and tell them how you feel,” says Diamond. The truth is no family wants their kin to marry the wrong person so they’ll automatically be protective. Expect this so you’re not on the defense. Listen. Talk. And most of all, understand where the concern is coming from: purely, love.

Photo courtesy of Diamond Stephens.

It has long been said that you should marry for love, but this notion is exhausted by the high divorce rate in the United States.  So many have used the phrase, we grew apart—even though couples should
be growing together in their marriages. Marrying for love means enduring those inevitable challenges–financial woes, illness, loss, and perhaps even infidelity. But are couples still sticking it out these days?

Maybe the real problem is our definition of love. The dictionary describes it as “a feeling of affection,” but does this affection fade as life brings its basket of lemons? It seems that for some couples feelings are gone with the wind; they are strong and then cease. But real love is steady and pushes through all barriers.

Marrying for a better life seems to be where the tide is turning. With financial woes being one of the leading causes of divorce, more couples are choosing to say their I do’s later in life once they’re established
in their careers and financially stable. So why not try to avoid this by marrying someone with a pretty nice fortune? It’s a great idea but the majority of Americans aren’t millionaires.  Marrying for money may sound appealing…that is until the money is gone.

Another reason people marry? It’s simple, for companionship. Sure, having someone there offers comfort and security but, “Is it real love?” If not, you’ll find yourself always desiring more from your relationship and
feeling like you’ve just settled. You’d hate to have your partner feel that they’re more committed to the marriage than you. Friendship may bring you together but without the sparks, it’s unlikely to keep you together.

So ask yourself, “Which am I marrying for? Love, money, or companionship?” It’s important to decide before getting to the altar.

Photo courtesy of Jermaine and Dorian, BB&G Real Wedding.

The vows, it’s always the part of the wedding ceremony that brings tears to my eyes. It’s the purity of vows that strips you bare, exposing your commitment to love and care for her always. Words as powerful as these deserve to be said once in a lifetime, cherished always in the heart. This is why anxieties often creep up, especially in men, when it comes time to write the wedding vows. They must be perfect. They must speak truth. They must be not only heard, but felt deep inside the heart.

Unlike John James, “Mr. Big,” Preston in the 2008 film adaption of the hit HBO series Sex and the City, you shouldn’t wait until the night before your I do’s to write your vows. Nerves alone will have you bound for a midnight train to “writer’s block.”

This may seem a little premature, but why not keep a little booklet tucked away in a drawer somewhere? A few weeks after your engagement start jotting down memories of the smiles she’s given you throughout the years, the things you’ve learned about compromise and patience during disagreements, and the dreams you have of what married life will be like. It doesn’t have to be anything formal; but, simply having these thoughts already written down will give you less anxiety about what to write.

It doesn’t stop there. You’ll also want to include the promises you will keep throughout your marriage. The key is not to get yourself tangled in a web of overconfident promises you won’t be able to keep. Contrary to what a lot of guys think, every woman doesn’t need the promise of a big house on the hill. What’s most important is that you promise to start and end each day more in love with her than the last.

And doing those periods in your marriage when it may feel that you two are struggling to hold on to your financial stability, health, or even each other sometimes, it is the love you promised her on your wedding day that will sustain your relationship. Don’t be naive to the fact that life guarantees to throw us curve balls we never see coming. But, it’s reassuring to hear at the altar that you can’t imagine taking them head on with anyone else in the world. Your sustaining promise of love will be prove that not only are you choosing her as your wife but you’re also giving your mind, body, and spirit to become one with hers.

The last part of your vows should be to simply recognize that you’re about to enter a sacred covenant between not just the two of you, but also a higher being. Express how important the commitment you are making is to you, your spiritual beliefs, and to both of your families.

Your vows are perhaps the most important thing you’ll ever say to her. Make sure your words are ones she’ll always cherish.  Photo provided by Rodeo.net.

During the time period of slavery in America, slaves were forbidden to marry and live together so jumping the broom was a way for them to publically declare their love and faithfulness towards one another. This honored wedding tradition pays homage to a couple’s African heritage as well as symbolizes the start of married life. Although it’s the only African wedding tradition widely practiced by today’s brides and grooms, there’re many other customs, beyond the broom, couples should consider for their nuptials.

Tying the Knot

In some African tribes, brides and grooms visually represent their union by tying their wrist together with cloth or braided grass during the ceremony. Today’s brides and grooms can ask their officiant to tie their wrists with a piece of string, kente cloth, or a strand of cowrie shells. Tying the knot is a beautiful African tradition that can take place of a candle lighting ceremony.

Libation Ceremony

Many brides and grooms place roses on the chairs where deceased family members would have sat at the wedding ceremony. But for African-American couples, a libation ceremony is a great to honor recently deceased family members as well as African ancestors. Holy water or alcohol is poured onto the ground while prayers are recited to the ancestral spirits asking them for wisdom and guidance, and names of those family members who recently passed away are called out.

The Four Elements Tasting

Quite often you’ll observe couples taking communion during their ceremonies. But the tasting of the four distinct elements is an African wedding ritual widely practiced in Yoruba. The flavors typically used are sour (lemon), bitter (vinegar), hot (cayenne), and sweet (honey). As the bride and groom tastes each flavor, they symbolize that they will be able to endure difficult circumstances in life, but, in the end, enjoy the sweetness marriage brings.

Kola Nuts

Kola nuts are incorporated into most Nigerian weddings. In Nigerian ceremonies, the kola nut is shared between the couple and their parents. Since kola nuts are used for medicinal purposes in Nigeria they serve as a reminder to the couple to always work at healing problems they may encounter in their marriage.

Cowrie Shells

Cowrie shells are what you often see hanging at the end of a woman’s dreadlock hairstyle or perhaps you’ve seen them worn as a necklace. These shells represent fertility and prosperity in African culture. Many times, these shells will be incorporated into bridal attire as a hair accessory, necklace, or ring. The shell’s design is also incorporated into the design of the cake and venue decorations.

Jumping the broom is an honored wedding tradition but couples shouldn’t feel that every ceremony has to be the same. Incorporating alternative customs, like these, are a great way to honor African ancestry; meanwhile, guests are treated to something a little different.

Photo courtesy of Sony pictures.